unexculpable | ➤ 5th Transmutation

A. » Action/Locked to notalwystrthful「1652 Albright Lane ☼ Early Morning」

[Ed was actually on his way out, he never stayed at this house for too long. The only reason he came back at all was because he would be droned if he didn't sleep in here once every three days.

He took the stairs two at a time, pulling his hair back into a ponytail along the way. He didn't know if Lust was here and he didn't want to find out, he almost made it to the door, but something caught his eye. Leaning up against the wall was a fairly large box with his name on it, written in crisp, bold letters.

He couldn't think of anyone who would send him something and he knew that people often recieved things from home in the mail. Was that what it was? Was this something from home? It could be, but... maybe it was from Olivier? Some project she wanted him to work on? Or Diana? It could be materials for that... slime stuff they were working on for the trolls. There was only one way to find out.

Ed didn't take his time opening it, but maybe he should have. His eyes widened and he stood up on shaky feet, stumbling backwards until he slammed into the wall behind him.]

No. No, no, no, no. I don't want this damn it!

["Water, 35 liters. Carbon, 20 kilograms. Ammonia, 4 liters. Lime, 1.5 kilograms. Phosphorous, 800 grams. Salt, 250 grams. Saltpeter, 100 grams. Sulfur, 80 grams. Fluorine, 7.5, iron, 5, silicon, 3 grams, and trace amounts of 15 other elements."

He could see it all happening in his head. The voice, one he knew to be his own, was so clear. He could see himself and his brother standing next to the pile of ingredients. Everything they needed to create the body of an adult human being.

The brothers knelt down outside of the circle and with a nod of determination, they down and placed their hands on the carefully drawn lines of chalk.

Ed swallowed hard, unmoving, barely breathing as the circle lights up. A bright blue light engulfs their father's study. The light illuminates the boy's faces - grinning, hopeful expectant, excited. For a minute everything seems like it's going like it should. That changes fast.

Things that look like long, thin pitch black arms rise up from the circle, writhing and twisting in the air and in the very center of the circle an eye cracked open.

His stomach clenched and he gasped for breath, trying to hold back the scream that was trying to force it's way out. For a minute, he was able to hold it back, but that didn't last long. It was far too late to take this all back. Far too late to close the box and pretend this never happened. He stumbles forward and falls to his knees, his heart pounding in his chest. He could already feel it.

The light from the circle changes to a deep, piercing red. The hands that erupted from the ground surround the two small boys -- grabbing at them, pulling at them, tearing at them. Al screamed, terrified, tears streaming down his face, his hand stretched out reaching for his brother as he was torn to apart -- pleading, begging and disappearing piece by piece.

The scream clawed it's way out of his throat -- shrill and pained and terrified -- as his leg was ripped apart. Blood trickled onto the floor, quickly pooling under him. Ed's arms buckled and and fell flat on his stomach, coughing and choking, his throat already raw from his agonized screams.

He was alone again. No one was here to help him. He was alone and terrified and there was so much blood god there was so much blood.]

B. » Action「Around Town ☼ Evening」

[Those who know Ed, or at the very least have seen him around frequently, might notice something a bit... off about him. For one, he looks incredibly exhausted -- his face is pale and honestly he seems like he might be sick, but that isn't quite the case.

Upon closer inspection those with an observant eye will notice three other things, the first of which, and the most obvious, are the pair of white gloves he's wearing. It's been colder than this and so far Ed's never bothered to wear gloves. They're not even thick ones, so it would be safe to assume he's not wearing them to keep his hands warm. His right arm looks... different somehow. It's impossible to see why, the long sleeved shirt is doing a good job of covering everything up. And... is something wrong with his left leg? Is he limping?]

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From:

unexculpable

[His shoulders sag and his head drops as he stares at the floor. The guilt he carries, the burden of his mistakes, ones that he's shouldered for years, are clear as day. He's worn down -- battered and bruised, his eyes are ones that have seen far too much.

He expected that sort of reaction, but... that didn't make it sting any less. After everything he told her, how much he stressed that one phrase... "One is all. All is one."

Tch. Some teacher he was.

His voice strains and wavers, his throat feels far too tight and all he can think to do is apologize. Apologize for being a disgusting excuse of a human being, for disappointing her.]

I'm sorry.

Edited Date: 2011-11-18 07:08 am (UTC)

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

[ Just how much suffering have you gone through? How much pain do you have?

Though, it's selfish of her to act like this around him. He was in pain and here she was, yelling at him and just not being understanding of his situation. Some friend or student she was. ]

...don't be.

[ Her own throat clenches up slightly. Then, she thinks back on that exact line - "One is all, all is one." The very same line that changed her life. Would it be right of her to tell him that when he was like this? But, still - move forward, don't look back at the past... ]

Do...you mind if I tell you something?

From:

unexculpable

[You don't want to know the answer to that, Diana. You really, really don't. Pray you are never privy to his nightmares.

He has a feeling he knows what she's going to tell him and quite honestly it's something he needs to hear again. He never stopped moving forward after what happened. Not once. Not ever. But when you relive one of the worst, most traumatic moments of your life, sometimes a reminder isn't all that bad.]

... Not at all.

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

[ Well, when she gets her telepathy back, she'll find some way to turn it off.

She takes a moment to breathe, to relax herself. Her nerves are shot, her emotions are drained, but she has a feeling that he needs to hear what she is going to say so that he can somewhat find peace in what happened. ]

You... are the first friend I have ever had. The moment when you willingly showed me your alchemy, I was curious at first, but I was happy to see that there was still something I didn't know. So, I wasn't sure if you wanted to be around me, a socially awkward genius, but I am glad you took me on as a friend as well as a student. While it's still something for me to get used to, you have helped me get rid of the very cynical and very jaded perspective I had on life and made me appreciate what I had.

When you told me, "one is all, all is one" - I went home that day and thought about it. I was doing things for the sake of pleasing others, not for myself. You taught me that I can do things if I put my mind to it. You showed me that life is precious, beautiful, and just something that I shouldn't waste. So, now I'm trying to be kinder to people than I originally was, and I feel like you have changed my life for the better.

What I'm trying to say is that you're a good person, Ed. And I am pleased to be your friend, student, and whatever else you consider me.

Thank you. It means a lot.

From:

unexculpable

I...

[Ed has replayed everything over and over in his head for years. He picked apart every moment leading up to the transmutation -- each conversation, the notes they compiled, every decision.

He was the one who suggested human transmutation after their mother died. It was him. He was the one who thought it was ok to play God. Yes, Al agreed to it, poured just as much energy into their research as he did. They worked on it together. They created their theory together. They drew the transmutation circle together. They cut their fingers and used their own blood like that was all they would need to pay for a human soul. They both tried to do the impossible and they both payed the price.

That was their burden. His and Al's. There was no one to blame for their actions. But in the end, Ed was still the one who suggested it. He knows it's stupid, he knows Al would beat the crap out of him and then some if he ever found out that Ed still held on to this guilt, but...

The guilt Ed felt right now was temporary, he knew it was. It wasn't that he felt absolved from it -- he still regrets ever making that decision -- but he's moved on from it and that's the important distinction. He hasn't forgotten, never will, but he's accepted it.

What he hasn't accepted is himself. Ed doesn't feel like a good person, he still feels like one giant fuck up, now especially. He knows that until he sees Al back in his own body, he won't be able to let go of that feeling. He knows it happened, yes. He knows that he kept his promise, but it hasn't happened for him yet.

But... hearing her say that still manages to bring out a sad, broken, albeit sincere smile. Knowing he was able to do that for her, with one simple phrase, one that meant so much to him, one he wished he listened to when he still had the chance, makes him feel like maybe, just maybe, he could still do something right. Maybe there was hope for him yet.]

You're welcome, Diana.

[He swallows hard, wiping at his face with the back of his hand, the smile fading slightly.]

I was... I was only ten when we tried it. Me and my little brother, Al... he was nine.

Edited Date: 2011-11-18 07:27 am (UTC)

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

[ Diana listens, shifting her position a bit. She moves to sneeze away from him and into her elbow before looking at him. ]

What were you trying to resurrect?

From:

unexculpable

Our mom.

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

...but, she's here and alive in Mayfield--

[ That must mean that she's dead back home. Just like Minako... ]

...I'm so sorry, Ed. I didn't know--

From:

unexculpable

[He shakes his head]

Don't worry about it. She's been dead for twelve years now. It never came up and I never told you. It's not your fault that you didn't know. Not exactly my favorite topic of conversation...

But... yeah. Y-yeah, she is here. Seeing her again was... I don't know, I don't think I could describe what that was like without making myself sound ridiculous.

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

Call me an optimist for a moment, but I bet it had to have been something neat. I mean, you get to have a second chance with her in Mayfield and get to make up for lost time.

From:

unexculpable

Sort of, yeah. It was kind of funny actually, I mean...

[he rubs his temples]

I cursed in front of her and shit, the look on her face, she was horrified. She even called me Edward instead of just Ed and I swear I felt like she was going to ground me for a month or something and I apologized and everything, ended up swearing again which made for a pathetic apology. I've never had to pay attention to things like that. Watching my language in front of my mom, you know? She's been gone for so long and I cursed all the time in front of Granny, but... she's my mom and...

She... she just laughed and...

[He manages something like a laugh and his voice starts cracking. Ed wipes unconsciously at his face, completely unaware that he started crying at all.]

I haven't... I haven't heard her laugh like that in years. I was scared I might've forgotten what it sounded like, too, but... [His lip trembles and he ducks his head down, his entire body shaking with every breath he takes. The tears haven't stopped and it doesn't look like they're going to stop soon.] I didn't. It was exactly like I remembered. Everything... the color of her hair and eyes and --

[Breathing. How does he do that again? Suddenly it hurts. Everything hurts. His chest aches and his joints are stiff and his throat feels like it's closing up and he's choking back sobs and FUCK when did he even start crying?]

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

[ All Diana will do is just sit back and listen and let him get it all out. Though, the minute he starts to cry is when she takes him into her arms again just like she did previously. She starts to rub his back and she smiles. It's small, but it's there. ]

It's okay. No one's going to fault you if you cry. Crying shows you're strong. Remember?

[ She's referencing when he helped her, so now it's time for her to help him through this too. ]

From:

unexculpable

[Stop that. Stop using his own words against him. Not allowed, Di. Not allowed.

But this hug? He needs this hug. It doesn't make the ache in his chest go away, doesn't make it any easier to breathe, but it's a quiet, comforting reassurance that he's not alone right now. He needs the presence of another human being -- a friend, a good friend, one of the best friends he's ever had. There weren't a lot of people who would have stayed through all of this and the fact that she didn't leave means more to him than she'll ever know.

He can't stop himself from shaking, can't keep the terror and hurt and aching sadness and guilt out of his voice, can't stop the tears.]

Di... I... I can't...

Everything... everything felt right for once. I felt like I was home again and it was... It's been so long since somewhere felt like home and --

[he chokes back another sob, one that wracks his entire body -- gut wrenching and painful]

What... What am I supposed to do I can't --

What if she gets hurt, Di? What if this place, what if this fucking town, gets to her? What if she dies? What the fuck am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to keep her safe?

And... what if I wake up one day and she's gone...? Fuck.

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

[ But yet, these words are what made her do a complete 180 in terms of her personality. And, she feels like he need to hear them once again. After all, if you don't believe in what you preach, then the words don't hold any weight.

She keeps on hugging him, sniffling a little bit. He's helped her in more ways than one. He made her realize that things aren't as bad as she thought they were and that is enough to make her want to stay by his side through anything. She listens to what he has to say before forcing him to look right into her blue eyes.

It's time for some tough love, Diana style. ]

You know what you can do now? Make up for lost time with her. Make her the happiest woman alive by being her son - her strong, intelligent and caring son. I think that her seeing her son be happy would be the greatest gift you could ever give to her. I know - it sucks. It sucks that old wounds have been reopened, but make the best of it while you still have the chance.

And, if she gets hurt, then guess what you can do now? Make the necessary steps to prevent it before Mayfield gets to her first. There's no honor in just sitting around and waiting for things to happen because you're not being proactive about it. Use your hands, use your legs, your mind, your heart - ANYTHING to prevent an upset from happening. Can you do that, Ed? Can you promise me you're not going to sit here and think about the what ifs when you can prevent them from happening?

[ She stares expectantly, waiting for an answer. Come on, she believes in him. She believes that he's strong and that he can do this. What will he say? ]

From:

unexculpable

[He listens silently and after she speaks his eyes break away from hers as he ducks his head down, running a shaky hand through his hair. He needs to calm down. Take a deep breath and swallow the fear and keep moving. He could handle this. He wasn't going to let this opportunity go to waste and he would do everything and anything within his power and then some to keep her safe. Mayfield would not hurt her. It would not get her.

But there was still that little voice in the back of his head. The one that kept telling him it was stupid to think that he'd be able to keep her from harm, that it didn't matter what he did. He couldn't even save a little girl, how could he think he could save his mother, too?]

Of course I will, I never... I wouldn't do anything less, but I --

[he hesitates, his voice straining]

-- what if it isn't enough? What if not matter what I do, it's not enough? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I'm going to just let this opportunity pass me by. I don't plan on giving anyone or anything a chance to hurt her, but --

[his hands clench as he finally looks back up. fear is rooted in his eyes. fear and worry and hurt. Too much happened at once. In only a couple of days his best friend and his mother, his mother, shows up and for a moment he was able to forget what a terrible place this town was, what it was capable of doing. For one moment he was able to enjoy spending time with his mom, time he never had, but not a day later Mayfield rips it all away. Takes back the limbs it replaced because it wanted him to remember where he was, who was in control. Remind him that there was a price to pay for that moment of happiness, that nothing here could ever really be considered "normal". Remind him in the most brutal way possible of what he did.

His voice shakes -- it's quiet and scared and so incredibly vulnerable.]

I'm... I'm so scared, Di. I can't lose her again. I can't.

Edited Date: 2011-11-20 03:02 am (UTC)

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

[ Diana watches and listens to him, sighing a bit. Deep down, she knows that he has enough tenacity to fight through the hardest battle imaginable and yet, to see him be scared, frightened, and unsure of what to do hurts her inside. But, it's her time to be strong for him. She wants him to be as happy as he made her.

It takes her a bit, but she grabs his hands into her own and holds them tightly. Through all the things she's experienced so far, it's time to let him know what sort of a person he is. ]

There's no need to be scared, okay? I'm here, your mother's here - everyone that has made a positive impact on your life is here and right behind you every step of the way. Yeah, from here on out, things are going to get tougher, but... you don't have to let Mayfield win. If you let them win, then what does that say? It says you've given up.

And, frankly, the Edward Elric I know never gives up if he can help it.

You don't need to go about this alone, all right? We're all here for you to be your emotional crutch, your shoulder to cry on - anything. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we just want you to be you and be happy. I know. Your wounds have been ripped open again, but now... now you can take the time and heal and start to just be the best Edward Elric you can be.

[ She lifts her head so that he can see that she's smiling. There's a few tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, but like hell is she going to let them fall now. All she wants is to see him be the confident person she knows he can be. That's it. ]

But, do know this. No one is going to leave you. Not when you have people who can help prevent things from happening.

[ A pause before she shakes her head. ]

Like me. I want to see you happy and I'll join in with making sure you can have the best time of your life with your mother. We'll work on it together, okay?

From:

unexculpable

[And for once it's Ed's turn to be rendered speechless. He can't. What is this. How does he even. Damn it is he crying again why is he crying again this is ridiculous WHY IS SHE SAYING THESE THINGS.]

... R-right.

From:

notalwystrthful.livejournal.com

[ Oh, come on. What is this.

So, guess what, Ed? She is going to pout at him before landing the world's wussiest punch for his chest. ]

No crying, okay! It's time for happy smiles and cheer and rainbows and -- why am I saying this? You should know it already.

From:

unexculpable

[.... What. What just even--?

He wipes at his face with the back of his hand and stares down at his chest where she punched him before looking back up. Just completely. What. How. Did she really just...?

His lips twitch a bit.]

... What the hell was that?