➤ 5th Transmutation

[unexculpable]

A. » Action/Locked to notalwystrthful「1652 Albright Lane ☼ Early Morning」

[Ed was actually on his way out, he never stayed at this house for too long. The only reason he came back at all was because he would be droned if he didn't sleep in here once every three days.

He took the stairs two at a time, pulling his hair back into a ponytail along the way. He didn't know if Lust was here and he didn't want to find out, he almost made it to the door, but something caught his eye. Leaning up against the wall was a fairly large box with his name on it, written in crisp, bold letters.

He couldn't think of anyone who would send him something and he knew that people often recieved things from home in the mail. Was that what it was? Was this something from home? It could be, but... maybe it was from Olivier? Some project she wanted him to work on? Or Diana? It could be materials for that... slime stuff they were working on for the trolls. There was only one way to find out.

Ed didn't take his time opening it, but maybe he should have. His eyes widened and he stood up on shaky feet, stumbling backwards until he slammed into the wall behind him.]

No. No, no, no, no. I don't want this damn it!

["Water, 35 liters. Carbon, 20 kilograms. Ammonia, 4 liters. Lime, 1.5 kilograms. Phosphorous, 800 grams. Salt, 250 grams. Saltpeter, 100 grams. Sulfur, 80 grams. Fluorine, 7.5, iron, 5, silicon, 3 grams, and trace amounts of 15 other elements."

He could see it all happening in his head. The voice, one he knew to be his own, was so clear. He could see himself and his brother standing next to the pile of ingredients. Everything they needed to create the body of an adult human being.

The brothers knelt down outside of the circle and with a nod of determination, they down and placed their hands on the carefully drawn lines of chalk.

Ed swallowed hard, unmoving, barely breathing as the circle lights up. A bright blue light engulfs their father's study. The light illuminates the boy's faces - grinning, hopeful expectant, excited. For a minute everything seems like it's going like it should. That changes fast.

Things that look like long, thin pitch black arms rise up from the circle, writhing and twisting in the air and in the very center of the circle an eye cracked open.

His stomach clenched and he gasped for breath, trying to hold back the scream that was trying to force it's way out. For a minute, he was able to hold it back, but that didn't last long. It was far too late to take this all back. Far too late to close the box and pretend this never happened. He stumbles forward and falls to his knees, his heart pounding in his chest. He could already feel it.

The light from the circle changes to a deep, piercing red. The hands that erupted from the ground surround the two small boys -- grabbing at them, pulling at them, tearing at them. Al screamed, terrified, tears streaming down his face, his hand stretched out reaching for his brother as he was torn to apart -- pleading, begging and disappearing piece by piece.

The scream clawed it's way out of his throat -- shrill and pained and terrified -- as his leg was ripped apart. Blood trickled onto the floor, quickly pooling under him. Ed's arms buckled and and fell flat on his stomach, coughing and choking, his throat already raw from his agonized screams.

He was alone again. No one was here to help him. He was alone and terrified and there was so much blood god there was so much blood.]



B. » Action「Around Town ☼ Evening」

[Those who know Ed, or at the very least have seen him around frequently, might notice something a bit... off about him. For one, he looks incredibly exhausted -- his face is pale and honestly he seems like he might be sick, but that isn't quite the case.

Upon closer inspection those with an observant eye will notice three other things, the first of which, and the most obvious, are the pair of white gloves he's wearing. It's been colder than this and so far Ed's never bothered to wear gloves. They're not even thick ones, so it would be safe to assume he's not wearing them to keep his hands warm. His right arm looks... different somehow. It's impossible to see why, the long sleeved shirt is doing a good job of covering everything up. And... is something wrong with his left leg? Is he limping?]

Comments

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ Again, Diana finds herself useless in this situation. She wants to help him, dammit. After all, she's a prodigy, so why couldn't she use her brilliant mind to help him out? She desperately racks her mind for an answer, finding everything she can think of to be rendered ineffective. ]

No... no, you don't need to be sorry. Okay? You don't need to be sorry. [ His blood has stained her coat and whatever else she was wearing, yet she didn't seem to mind. He was in agony and she couldn't help him. All she could do is just... sit there. In his blood and try to help him through this.

Though, what did her mother tend to do when she was upset? Ah, right. She threads her fingers through his hair and tries to calm him down. ]

It'll... It'll be over soon, okay? [ There's a pained cough on her end, but she tells herself that she'll be okay. He's the priority here, not her. ]

I'm sorry there's nothing I can do.

[unexculpable]

[He shakes his head, choking and gasping for breath. His arm stopped bleeding, finally and for a minute there's nothing but quiet, his pulse pounding in his ears. Ed opens his eyes, staring vacantly at the ceiling. What now? Was this it? Was this place sick enough to just leave him like this? It wouldn't surprise him, honestly.

Apologies keep stumbling out of his mouth -- broken and quiet and raw, begging, pleading. Diana didn't need to see this. This was his burden. His sin. Not hers.

His apologies are cut short and his breath hitches painfully in his chest. The familiar weight of his automail ports returns. Ed squeezes his eyes shut, trying to brace himself for what he knew was about to come.

It happens in an instant. One moment of blinding, white hot, burning pain as each and every nerve connects to the automail that has appeared to replace his missing limbs. It sets his body on fire, every muscle tenses and twitches and aches. His eyes are shut, but he can feel the room spinning, see bursts of white behind his eyes. One last strangled scream escapes him once everything connects and then he slumps, completely and utterly defeated, unable to say another word. Unable to do anything but lay down and breathe.

... At least it's over. That much is for certain, but now what?]

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ Diana's grateful for the moment of reprieve since she's not sure just how much more her mind could take. She keeps on trying to console him, her fingers running through his hair, her other hand running up and down his back so that he didn't have to be alone in this suffering. She didn't want him to be alone. That time was over and done with.

She watches when the automail ports come to return with some curious intentions. What was the reason for those to reappear? Well, she figures she'll eventually find out. She almost wants to slump over, but no - she won't do that to him. He's her friend, dammit. It was her turn to take care of him.

But, no. She won't do that to him. When he slumps over, she takes a moment to breathe - to get some relief. She looks like a mess with his blood on her clothes, on her skin - but she doesn't mind it. With a push of strength, she tries to get him on to the couch and when she's done with that, she goes to make him comfy while she goes to clean up the blood.

Unfortunately, since her stomach's not all that strong yet, she does end up vomiting from the fear, pain, and the amount of emotions she experienced during that time. But, she makes a decent effort to be strong and instead of crying over it, she gets back up on her feet and continues at what she was doing while he rested. ]

[unexculpable]

[Ed was conscious enough to hobble over to the couch. He murmured something that sounded like he was trying to protest, but the words never get there. As soon as he's on the couch, his eyes close and Ed is out cold.

He's not sure how long he slept for. Thankfully it was somewhat peaceful only in that the nightmares were broken up by long stretches of nothing. Ed sits up and leans his head back against the cushion. It's strange, he had gotten used to the whole "feeling" thing. He would have to get used to this again.

Ed closed his eyes, taking deep, steady breaths. Was Diana still here? ... She had to be. It didn't seem like she was going to leave him there, but he couldn't blame her if she did.]

I'm sorry, Diana. I'm so sorry.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ By the time Ed wakes up, Diana has changed her bloody clothes, threw them in the washer to hopefully get the blood out and changed into a pair of his clothes temporarily. She's been sitting in the living room, only getting up to put a washcloth on his forehead every so often. The blood's mostly cleaned up by now and she's still working on it.

She pokes her head through and waves at him, giving him a slight uneasy smile, but it's sincere all the same. ]

You don't need to be. Mayfield likes to be a sadist. [ She gets up and cricks her neck side to side. ] Do you need anything? Water? More pillows or blankets? Some medicine? A... hug?

[unexculpable]

[He shakes his head slowly, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand.]

No, it's... I'm fine, thanks though. You've done enough for me as it is.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ She goes to sit down on the floor, stifling a cough that's followed by a sniffle. The memories are still fresh in her head, but she doesn't want to have him burden himself any further. She can tell that he blamed himself over ... whatever happened for quite a while. Yet, that time was no longer now that she was here and his friend. And it would take a great deal of effort to make her give up on this.

What she does though is squeeze her hand a bit before taking Ed's hand into her own, rubbing the back of it with her thumb. ]

I'm not angry. I'm not upset. I'm just worried and concerned about you, Ed. How long have you had this weight on your shoulders? How long have you gone about this burden alone?

[unexculpable]

[He stares at his hands, shoulders hunching. The skin under the ports is raw and every time he moves either of his limbs it hurts. Little pinpricks of pain accentuate every movement, but he refuses to let it bother him. He's done this before. He could do it again.]


... A long time.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

I may not know the full story, but... you're not alone, okay? You showed me that before, so now it's time I show you that you're not alone with this.

[ She pauses to let another cough go through before shaking her head. ]

What happened that made you get your prosthetics?

[unexculpable]

[... hold up changing the subject.]

You're sick. You should really be resting right now.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ OH HELL NAW. ]

Idiot. You've just went through a traumatic experience. I have a case of the stupid sniffles. Your needs outweigh mine right now.

[ ALL THE LINEFACE. NOW SPILL. ]

[unexculpable]

[He's painfully quiet and he doesn't do anything other than sit there staring at his hands for at least two minutes or so.]

... A few weeks before Halloween I talked to you about something very important. Alchemy's one and only taboo. The one thing you should never, under any circumstances attempt. Do you remember that, Diana?

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

Human transmutation. How could I forget?

[unexculpable]

[... and he stays silent. You're a smart kid, he's sure you'll be able to figure it out.]

1/I'll let you know when I'm done.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ ...

And then, for the second time, the color drains from her face. No wonder he told her to not attempt it under any circumstance.

So, for a while, she's silent, mulling this over. ]

2/?

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ ...yup, still trying to think of an appropriate response to all this. ]

3/?

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

... you idiot.

DONE.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

You stupid, idiotic, moronic, asinine, foolish, unintelligent imbecile!

[ Okay, she's just going to give you a light tap on your uninjured shoulder. And give you the maddest face she can muster. Because YOU ARE AN IDIOT, ED. She could really just about punch him across the face for this. ]

I don't even know what to do with you other than call you an idiot.

[ Okay, so. She's worried. BUT SHE IS STILL MAD. ]

Re: DONE.

[unexculpable]

[His shoulders sag and his head drops as he stares at the floor. The guilt he carries, the burden of his mistakes, ones that he's shouldered for years, are clear as day. He's worn down -- battered and bruised, his eyes are ones that have seen far too much.

He expected that sort of reaction, but... that didn't make it sting any less. After everything he told her, how much he stressed that one phrase... "One is all. All is one."

Tch. Some teacher he was.

His voice strains and wavers, his throat feels far too tight and all he can think to do is apologize. Apologize for being a disgusting excuse of a human being, for disappointing her.]

I'm sorry.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ Just how much suffering have you gone through? How much pain do you have?

Though, it's selfish of her to act like this around him. He was in pain and here she was, yelling at him and just not being understanding of his situation. Some friend or student she was. ]

...don't be.

[ Her own throat clenches up slightly. Then, she thinks back on that exact line - "One is all, all is one." The very same line that changed her life. Would it be right of her to tell him that when he was like this? But, still - move forward, don't look back at the past... ]

Do...you mind if I tell you something?

[unexculpable]

[You don't want to know the answer to that, Diana. You really, really don't. Pray you are never privy to his nightmares.

He has a feeling he knows what she's going to tell him and quite honestly it's something he needs to hear again. He never stopped moving forward after what happened. Not once. Not ever. But when you relive one of the worst, most traumatic moments of your life, sometimes a reminder isn't all that bad.]

... Not at all.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ Well, when she gets her telepathy back, she'll find some way to turn it off.

She takes a moment to breathe, to relax herself. Her nerves are shot, her emotions are drained, but she has a feeling that he needs to hear what she is going to say so that he can somewhat find peace in what happened. ]

You... are the first friend I have ever had. The moment when you willingly showed me your alchemy, I was curious at first, but I was happy to see that there was still something I didn't know. So, I wasn't sure if you wanted to be around me, a socially awkward genius, but I am glad you took me on as a friend as well as a student. While it's still something for me to get used to, you have helped me get rid of the very cynical and very jaded perspective I had on life and made me appreciate what I had.

When you told me, "one is all, all is one" - I went home that day and thought about it. I was doing things for the sake of pleasing others, not for myself. You taught me that I can do things if I put my mind to it. You showed me that life is precious, beautiful, and just something that I shouldn't waste. So, now I'm trying to be kinder to people than I originally was, and I feel like you have changed my life for the better.

What I'm trying to say is that you're a good person, Ed. And I am pleased to be your friend, student, and whatever else you consider me.

Thank you. It means a lot.

[unexculpable]

I...

[Ed has replayed everything over and over in his head for years. He picked apart every moment leading up to the transmutation -- each conversation, the notes they compiled, every decision.

He was the one who suggested human transmutation after their mother died. It was him. He was the one who thought it was ok to play God. Yes, Al agreed to it, poured just as much energy into their research as he did. They worked on it together. They created their theory together. They drew the transmutation circle together. They cut their fingers and used their own blood like that was all they would need to pay for a human soul. They both tried to do the impossible and they both payed the price.

That was their burden. His and Al's. There was no one to blame for their actions. But in the end, Ed was still the one who suggested it. He knows it's stupid, he knows Al would beat the crap out of him and then some if he ever found out that Ed still held on to this guilt, but...

The guilt Ed felt right now was temporary, he knew it was. It wasn't that he felt absolved from it -- he still regrets ever making that decision -- but he's moved on from it and that's the important distinction. He hasn't forgotten, never will, but he's accepted it.

What he hasn't accepted is himself. Ed doesn't feel like a good person, he still feels like one giant fuck up, now especially. He knows that until he sees Al back in his own body, he won't be able to let go of that feeling. He knows it happened, yes. He knows that he kept his promise, but it hasn't happened for him yet.

But... hearing her say that still manages to bring out a sad, broken, albeit sincere smile. Knowing he was able to do that for her, with one simple phrase, one that meant so much to him, one he wished he listened to when he still had the chance, makes him feel like maybe, just maybe, he could still do something right. Maybe there was hope for him yet.]

You're welcome, Diana.

[He swallows hard, wiping at his face with the back of his hand, the smile fading slightly.]

I was... I was only ten when we tried it. Me and my little brother, Al... he was nine.

[notalwystrthful.livejournal.com]

[ Diana listens, shifting her position a bit. She moves to sneeze away from him and into her elbow before looking at him. ]

What were you trying to resurrect?

[unexculpable]

Our mom.